If I can see the world through my client's eyes,
 then I can cell my client what my client buys!
Ed Foreman

by Skip Cohen

I've written about Ed Foreman in the past and shared the quote above. It goes a lot deeper than just putting yourself in their shoes.  You've got to literally work to see things the way your clients do, and that includes their perception of you. It's all about building trust. It's about listening more than talking. It's about putting your mind's eye into high gear and visualizing how they want their images to look, and why they've come to you in the first place. You've got to sense their concerns together with their expectations and create products unique to them and express their personality, lifestyle, and passion.

It's Marketing Monday, but it's also December 1st, and at this point in 2025, if you haven't ramped up your marketing efforts, there's not much for me to write about that hasn't already been shared in previous posts. But here's a topic we haven't talked about... AI and the fear some photographers seem to have that they'll be replaced, or they think it's going to be the answer to everything they need to run a successful business.

The fear of technology is nothing new...I was a kid when some photographers feared color entering the black-and-white-dominated craft. Photography was going to hell because B&W was threatened. Well, those photographers had families and their kids were grew up to be the generation that felt imaging was going to hell when digital arrived.

Does anybody remember Calumet being one of the largest retailers in photography in the late 80s? When Nikon announced the discontinuation of manual focus lenses, Calumet dropped the line and published the Nikon logo in a red circle with a bar across it. Within a year or less, the protest was over, and Nikon was back in their lineup!

Digital manipulation came next, along with an incredible uplift in what could be captured digitally. Cameras are incredible today, and so are our phones. Right now, most of us have phones that are capable of cinema-quality capture! 

Now we've got AI at the door, and I'm picking up on people thinking it's going to be the cure to everything, including their procrastination when it comes to building brand awareness through great customer service.

Photography is word of mouth business... It's also a tactile product - people still like to hold special images in their hands rather than on their phones and computers. Animation is another incredible asset, allowing us to bring still images to life. But nothing changes the important role the artist still plays.

Recently, I was interviewed by a leading AI company for a presentation they're doing. In summary, I said:

The truth is, combining AI with many of the old standards gives a business owner the perfect tools to expand reach and build more brand awareness. What I hate is the way so many businesses act like AI is the cure-all for their incompetence... all the old-school concepts of building relationships, integrity, trust, and exceeding client expectations are always in play.

AI will not replace relationship building and the personal touch. In fact, in a world of social media, email, and text messaging, your ability to actually reach out and touch your customers is more valued than ever! Your number one marketing tool is relationship building - so stop worrying about being replaced by AI or thinking that AI is the magic elixir to fix a failing business. It's time to start seeing the world through your clients' eyes!

...just my two cents.

by Skip Cohen

​The finish line for 2025 is just a few weeks away, but the race for business is still on! However, if you've followed me for even the shortest amount of time, then you know I'm like a dog with a bone - I just don't give up! There's still time for you to make some noise and finish the year knowing you gave it your very best effort.

While there's nothing new for me to share from my past posts, here's a list of solid winners to help you bring the year to a spectacular close:

• Saying Thanks: As the poem goes on, Santa even checks his list twice to see who's been naughty and nice. So, how's your nice list looking? Are there vendors and associates whom you want to make sure you do something a little extra for this year? From delivery drivers who came through for you to florists, wedding planners, vendors, and even other photographers - remember to let them know you appreciate their support.​​
• Time To Mail Your Holiday Cards! There's still time to put your holiday cards together and get them on their way. And remember - no photographer should ever use a store-bought card - USE YOUR OWN IMAGES!
• "Idea Seeds" - use your social media presence, whether through your own blog or via Facebook and Instagram pages, to plant a few ideas for holiday gifts using photography. It's a little late to squeeze in a portrait session, but it's still possible. Plus, for clients you already photographed this year, now's the time to plant the idea seeds for printed work as gifts for people they're closest to. 

​

• Coloring Books: I've written so much about this idea from Steven Gotz in California. He even joined me with a guest post on the topic. The short version is that he took images from past family and even zoo shoots, removed the color, and turned them into line art. They became pages of coloring books that he gave his clients. And the concept works for virtually every specialty, even an adult coloring book for a boudoir client. The point is to create something unique for a client that makes them remember and appreciate you even more.
• Holiday Events in the Community: I know it's a busy time of year, but do your best to make time for some of the non-profit events happening around you. This is the perfect time to be a photojournalist, capturing the stories in your community and sharing them on social media, especially with the event coordinators themselves.

​​

• Email Blasts: There's still time to plant a few more seeds, but unless you jump on it right now, the clock is going to run out. However, there's no such thing as too much exposure, and even if you don't see any impact on your business, you're still reminding people who you are and what services you provide.
• Involvement in Your Community: From Meals on Wheels to Toys for Tots to food banks and hundreds of local charitable events, every organization needs help! Volunteer your services—with or without a camera in your hands—remind your community you're not just another retailer.
• Need New Gear: I'm still a big fan of post-holiday sales, but a lot is happening right now as vendors fight for the last dollars of 2024. If you need specific gear, now's the time to take a quick look and decide whether the last-minute deals best suit your needs.
• Tax Deductions: You have a little over a month left on tax-deductible expenses for your business. Are there investments you need to make before the end of the year?

Black Friday is just three days away, making this week critical for last-minute ideas to impact your business and brand awareness. The finish line for the year is just five weeks away, leaving you with just enough time to still have an impact.

You snooze, you lose...so don't snooze!

by Skip Cohen

It's "Hump Day," and I brought this topic back from the archives because, at this time of year, even though business is ramping up and in full swing through seasonality, it's a time when everyone starts to get a little reflective. We're closing out one year and heading into a new one, and it's a time when so many of us ponder our "why?"

We're looking at everything we do and often wondering if it's time for a change. Is it time to change direction, expand into other areas of expertise, and the BIG question, are we happy in what we're doing? It's an endless process, but a necessity to help avoid complacency and stimulate creativity.

But finding our "why" isn't exclusive to our careers. There's the importance of sharing our "why" with the people we're trying to attract. As photographers, your target audience needs to understand your "why?".  They don't care what awards you've won, what gear you have, or how your grandfather gave you your first camera. They want to know "why?" you love being a photographer and if you can be trusted to capture the kinds of images they want. 

Too many of you write your bios without considering your audience. When it's time to open your heart, you submerge yourself in meaningless factoids about your skills. If they're reading your bio, they're already interested in getting to know you better - don't bury them in your list of print competition awards, gear details, and the history of your business. Tell them why you love imaging. Share why your clients trust you to capture what's in their hearts.

It's the "why" that makes us all more interesting. It's the "why" that makes my story different from yours. It's the "why" that takes millions of stories from people worldwide and gives them color, emotion, and commitment.  

In terms of my "why," I simply love imaging and the business of helping more people understand its importance. Even in my volunteer work in support of the fight against Alzheimer's, imaging plays a special role with the interaction between patients dealing with the disease and the memories old photographs bring back.

Stop worrying about "what" you do and start sharing with people "why" you do it. The "what" comes from your left brain and is a series of cut-and-dry statements; the "why" comes from your right brain and is all about your personality, passion, and emotion. Plus, your "why" is unique, while your "what" is often the same as everybody else's.

Happy Hump Day!

"If you wait for all the lights to turn green, you'll never get started on your journey!"
​Zig Ziglar

by Skip Cohen

The quote above is one my most favorite. I lucked out in finding an illustration in Adobe stock of all green lights. However, the reality is that catching all lights when they're synced is rare. Now and then you have to stop, but that shouldn't change the direction of your journey or the destination.

As I sat down to write a blog post this morning, the quote above popped into my head.  I started thinking about my kick lately to remind readers that procrastination is NOT a marketing strategy.  Too many of us, me included, want everything to be perfect before we launch a new project. We want to do everything we can to guarantee success.

But sadly, when all the lights aren't green, we never start the journey. We make excuses, rationalize our way into justifying our inactivity. When the window of opportunity closes, we convince ourselves that we made the right decision...at least until regret starts to seep in.

Lucille Ball is quoted as saying, "I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done."

And there's my point: it's not a perfect world, but we all have choices as long as we stay focused on our goals. Some of those choices involve compromise —not necessarily on your dreams, but on the path you choose to get there. 

We're living in bizarre times, absent of very many true leaders. That means there are opportunities for you, as artists and small business owners, to demonstrate leadership, accountability, integrity, and even compromise where appropriate. Don't let the insanity of the times get in the way of continuing to pursue your dreams.

Yes, I know it's easy to write about, and everybody's challenges are different. But that doesn't change the fact that EVERYONE can help change the world, at least in your own community. Capturing memories never goes out of style, and the opportunities for photographers to help tell their subjects' stories should be at the very top of your "to-do" list.

Wishing everybody a terrific weekend ahead!

by Skip Cohen

It's Hump Day and the perfect time to do a quick check on your goals for the rest of the week...and into next week. So many of you spend too much time over-thinking things you need to do to build brand awareness. You're waiting for everything to be perfect, which never happens!
​
We're into the seasonality of the year that most photographers have been waiting for. But if you drag your feet, when your ship comes in, you'll be stuck at the airport! (Okay, it's a little stretch as an analogy, but there's no reason to miss so many opportunities for business in the weeks ahead!)

When you've got something you know you should be working on, it becomes the "monkey on your back." You carry the task around until it's completed, and nothing drains more energy than the stress of getting nothing accomplished. 

I keep sharing much of the same list, but now is the time to:

• Is there new gear you need that buying in 2025 would qualify for a tax break?
• Is the design for your holiday cards done, and are they in the pipeline for printing and mailing in time?
• How's your list of people you want to give an extra special thanks to this year?
• Are there any fundraisers in your community you'd like to be involved in over the holidays?
• Are you writing a personal letter to your clients thanking them for their support while also paving the way for new things you have coming in 2026?
• Got your reservations for PPA, WPPI, or both?
• How about partners for a first-quarter 2026 direct mail piece? Who are they, and have they been contacted?
• Are there specific courses you need to expand your skill set?

The list goes on and on, but my point is: it's Hump Day... and to get over the hump and pave the way for the holiday season, you need to build enough momentum to beat the hands of the clock and the calendar!
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Stop procrastinating...and if you're stuck and need a little help, you know where to find me!

by Skip Cohen

​​As I sat down to write today's post, I started thinking about what I could possibly write about that I haven't hit hard so many times in the past. While much of this post is from the SCU archives, that doesn't change the importance and potential increase in revenue by the concept I'm writing about: a day-in-the-life shoot.    November and December are the perfect times to capture this kind of story.

Plus, everyone is working hard to increase revenue and customer support this time of year. There are just two months left for 2025. A session like this has so much potential for you to show your skills and build stronger relationships with your clients.

• Storytelling:  Like capturing a wedding, a Day-in-the-Life shoot is event-driven and all about building an album.
• Album Designs: Creating an album to tell the story adds to the season's excitement and anticipation. 
• Your Skills: A session like this utilizes all the skills of the photographer. From portraiture to photojournalism, it brings into play technique, lighting, and composition - everything it takes to tell the story of a family's adventure.
• Standing Out: It's a unique offering and can be an ideal revenue producer. It's also perfect content for social media and blog posts.

Here's the concept: While it's called a Day-in-the-Life, it doesn't have to be for an entire day. It could easily be a 3-4 hour block of time. You're capturing the activity of a family, a child, a pet, or even a business in their environment. It's about the interaction among family members or employees, if it's a business story.

For example, it's November, and family members are going to get together to make Thanksgiving dinner. It's one of the few holidays when younger family members often get to help create the holiday meal. For example, Mom and Grandma work together to make the menu, and the kids get to help with the preparation. It's a family event, and so often a full day of work comes down to the first thirty minutes of serving. Even setting the table is a special event, which often looks like a war zone once the first slice of turkey is cut! 

Just like a wedding, it deserves its own album. The wedding party is the team of chefs creating dinner. The detail shots cover everything from cooking utensils to the centerpiece to the table settings. The reception is the dinner itself. Throughout the day, it's about capturing the memory of everyone working together on recipes that have often been in the family for generations.

If you haven't offered a Day-in-the-Life shoot before, consider it seriously. Nothing helps to tell a subject's story more than photographing them in their natural environment. It's the location where every subject is likely to be most comfortable. While the holiday season is a natural time for on-location shooting, the concept is perfect for almost any situation. 

Remember, too, if you're not comfortable with the concept initially, start with your own family. Pick a day and a topic, and capture images that tell the story, aiming to create a complete album. It might just be the perfect gift for Grandma this year.

As professional photographers, you're in a word-of-mouth industry. Imagine the reactions as people see an album you've created for a client that captures a complete story. You only need one of these projects to help start building more brand awareness.

Don't forget your goal...to exceed expectations and make yourself habit-forming!

P.S. And if you're looking for some great albums that are both stunning and cost-effective, check out Marathon's Bella Albums...you'll never be disappointed. Click here to see the entire line.

by Skip Cohen

Once a year, I like to run one of my favorite guest posts written by my Dad. It seems like the perfect day to run it, since today, Halloween, is his birthday.  Notice I used the word "is" and not "was".  Dad may have passed away almost ten years ago, but that doesn't change his presence in so many aspects of my life. Before he passed away, I remember saying, "There aren't many people my age who still have their parents around, let alone like them!"

Dad had just turned 88 when I talked him into sharing some of the wisdom I grew up with in a blog post. So, for those of you who never met my Dad, meet Ralph! Right up until he died, he still did a lot of business on a handshake, and the wisdom he shared in the post below is right on target for so many of us.

And to my Dad—I miss ya, pop. But the good news is, I'm surrounded by great memories every day. Your love and support were never-ending. And tonight, every time the doorbell rings with kids for Halloween, I'll laugh and do a quick flashback to every birthday dinner we tried to have for you when I was a kid. The irony of dozens of Halloween trick-or-treaters interrupting your birthday dinner, was that when I was a kid, you were in the candy business! 

Happy Birthday, Pop!​

I finally closed the deal to get my Dad to write a couple of blog posts, but only after we negotiated a life-changing compensation program that hopefully won’t disturb his Social Security and is comparable to what he underpaid me as a kid!   What I’m most happy with is simply being able to draw from Dad’s years of experience.  His message in this first blog is everything so many icons talk about.  

This blog is a prime example of as much as things change they stay the same!  The principles of business, while the vehicles to deliver the message might be different, the message itself is still the same.  So everybody, meet Pop, Skip’s Dad, with some great foundation tips to help you build your business.

Yesterday was my 88th birthday.  I have been happily retired for many years, and unemployed for at least 15 of those. Now, out of the blue, comes our son, Skip, threatening me with employment! The pay he considers adequate is $.02 per word. So gathering together, my 50+ years in business experience, I thought this would be a good time to put my two cents in.

I am not a plagiarist, but I must quote my father who spent the last months of his life writing advice to his children:

“Conduct your business in an upright manner and remember, the most important thing in one’s life is to be honest with one’s self. Maintain the high standard and dignity that your business requires. Do not go into deals hastily and be visible in your business as much of the time as is possible.  If you take time to play, do it away from your business, because your livelihood needs all the attention you can give to it.”

Early on, I concluded that the best testimonials came from my many friendly competitors.  We didn’t really compete with each other, in the true sense. True, we were in the same field of endeavor, but we all knew we were there to help each other. Happily, the “tough competition” fell by the wayside. 

I remember giving Skip driving lessons and I told him, “Watch the left front fender…..the rest will take care of itself!” I’ve found this is really true of everything in life.

An old axiom says “If you tell the truth, you never have to remember what you said.”  That is all part of reputation-building. I found that, sadly, in the field of real estate, truth is hard to come by for many. In our case, it was a major building block in the reputation which we enjoyed, and helped us to thwart the competition.

Goodwill is all of the above, plus a lot of caring for your clients as well as your competitors.  If life is a give-and-take situation, giving is the more important of the two.  The taking will come with time and be far more appreciative.  Just remember - you heard it here!  

​Ralph Cohen, Founder and Creator of Skip Cohen!

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. 
If you love what you are doing you will be successful.
Albert Schweitzer

by Skip Cohen

​I'm trying to get in the habit of keeping Hump Day posts short and to the point. When I read the quote above, it hit me how many people I've met who are missing the most essential ingredient in their careers: happiness.

Everyone measures success differently, but the common denominators seem to always include fame and fortune. But if you're not happy, then neither matter. As I got older, focusing on success wasn't as important as just being happy. And being happy is EVERYTHING.

Lou Mitchell, along with the quote above, wrote, Are you pursuing what you love, or are you chasing external markers of success? How can you incorporate more joy and passion into your daily life?

If you're not waking up in the morning energized for whatever's on your schedule for the day, it's time to step back and figure out what's missing. Don't forget that you don't have to figure it out alone - this is where a spouse or a good friend can play a key role in helping you with whatever pieces you're missing in finding happiness in whatever career path you've shown.

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
Confucius

by Skip Cohen

Over the years, I've written extensively about crafting content for your "About" page, emphasizing the importance of being relevant to your target audience and building trust right from the very beginning. Sadly, there are still many of you who just don't get it...or you've procrastinated your way into thinking it doesn't matter. 

Years ago, an incredible motivational speaker, Ed Foreman, planted this seed of wisdom, which I've modified slightly:  "If I can see the world through my client's eyes, then I can sell my client what my client buys!" It's really that simple, and far more focused than just the old expression of "putting yourself in their shoes." You need to understand what's important to your target audience - what they worry about, what are their needs, what makes them happy, even what needs aren't being fulfilled.  This should guide your thought process for everything you do in marketing and building your business.

• Stop talking about your gear! Most clients don't care what you shoot with. 
• Stop talking about your awards! Unless you won a Pulitzer, talking about print competition awards especially will have little or no impact. Most consumers don't know what PPA, WPPI, and a long list of other associations are!
• Nobody cares how you got started! I know it seems harsh, but the average consumer doesn't care who gave you your first camera.

Remember, women make 98% of the purchase decisions to hire most of you. That means "Moms" and brides are the ones looking at your work. When you write about your background for your "About" page, remember your target audience. Here's what they want to hear:

• Talk about why you love being a photographer.
• Share your passion for people and capturing memories.
• Be sappy - this is an opportunity to show your love for the craft.
• Write about your dedication to exceeding client expectations and building relationships.

The biggest question new clients have is whether or not you can be trusted to capture the kind of images they want. Will you be able to meet their mindset?

Last but not least - write it all in the first person and include a signature. (With security issues these days, a facsimile of your signature is fine.) Write your "About" section as more of an artist's statement and stay relevant to what your target audience is looking for. 

Every visit to your website is a potential opportunity to start a new relationship or expand an old one. Exceed consumer expectations right out of the block with great images in your galleries, followed by a strong "About" section! ​

by Skip Cohen

​It's my favorite day of the week, Throwback Thursday. This morning, as I searched for images I hadn't shared before, I ran across a post from nine years ago. The message makes even more sense today!

We're living in a that's-good-enough world! Many products are manufactured with planned obsolescence, and they often have a shorter lifespan than what we're accustomed to. For example, in our own kitchen, since moving into this house nine years ago, appliances that used to last a lifetime have been replaced several times. And consider the Ford Mustang - you can't buy one right now because of three different recalls on the 2025 models that won't be resolved until 2026. Ford's slogan of "Quality is job one!" doesn't apply to very many products these days, including their own vehicles.

My good buddy Scott Bourne said once, "Shoot as if this is the last photograph of yours anybody will ever see!"

Here's the question of the day...What are people going to be saying about your photography years from now? How will your work be perceived?

Even though I've shared them before, I thought it would be fun to share a few classics of both my folks. Both of the older photographs were hand-colored and captured eighty to ninety years ago. The two more contemporary images were captured by Bambi Cantrell around 2008.   

But one of my favorite images out of the session she did with my folks is this one on the right. It was captured before Alzheimer's took control. We had no idea what the next few years would bring, but the love my folks had for each other is clearly what Bambi focused on.

Here's the bottom line - you owe your subjects the very best you can be. Never compromise on the quality of your work. The photographers we respect the most are the ones who capture the intangible spirit of the subject in addition to outstanding technical skills in exposure, composition and lighting.

Over the years, Beverly and Tim Walden have talked a lot about the value of a portrait. They're not creating a photograph, but a family heirloom to be handed down for generations to come. And the portrait session needs to be an experience, not just a few clicks of the shutter! Their advice to new photographers deserves repeating: 

Our advice to new photographers? Do less and do it exceptionally well! Narrow your focus to gain appeal.
All great artists are known for a style, a look that is their own. As you begin in this wonderful profession, be original, do what your heart loves, do it well and work towards mastering it.

So, what's the answer to the question of the day? Are you creating images that, years from now, your clients will look back on and smile, remembering the day you took their portrait? And will future generations look at your work and cherish the photographs, like I do of the portraits of my folks?

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Don Marquis

by Skip Cohen

I like to keep it relatively short on Fridays, and the quote above was today's reading from Lou Mitchell's book, Mastering Positive Thinking...One Day at a Time.

It's particularly fitting this time of year, as many of you are still in a mañana mode with your key marketing ideas for this year's seasonality, which is just around the corner. But you'll continue to procrastinate and let things slide right up until there's virtually no time left for impact.

Lou Mitchell went on to write: ...When we delay action, we find ourselves perpetually stuck in the past, trying to complete tasks that have already become overdue...Think about a task or project you've been putting off. What has prevented you from starting it, and how is it impacting your progress? 

There's really nothing I can add to his point. You don't have to take giant steps to beat procrastination. Taking baby steps in the right direction is all the progress you need to slowly break the habit and get on track for great impact.

Happy Friday!

You may delay, but time will not!
Benjamin Franklin

You can't just sit there and wait for people to give you that golden dream.
You've got to get out there and make it happen for yourself.
Diana Ross

by Skip Cohen

Whether you're having a good time or not, there are few statements more true than "time flies when you're having a good time!" And as you get older, time seems to fly by even faster. Here's my point in today's post: in 3 1/2 months, 2025 will come to a close. Which means you only have 16 weeks (112 days) to wrap up the year!

Too many of you operate your business on a foundation of "I'll do it mañana!"  So, knowing that, I've put together a basic check-off list to consider for your business:

1. Gear: Are there specific pieces of gear you need to raise the bar on the quality of your images, or to run your business? From camera gear to lighting, printers, computers, and other essential equipment, start making your list now. It's been a strange year at retail, and having time to shop a little will definitely prove beneficial.
2. Promotions: If you're doing any special promotions for this holiday season, is everything set to go? And if you're not doing anything special, at the very least call your lab and just ask, "What's new?" You might be surprised at the creativity out there in new products.
3. Direct mail: If you're doing a snail mail piece before the end of the year, solo or with partnership companies, now is the time to put last-minute touches on the presentation.
4. Email blasts: It's the same urgency as above, but email has a different level of complexity - getting people to open your message. That makes the subject line critical, as does the first paragraph. Again, now is the time to fine-tune what you're going to be sending out.
5. Holiday Gift List: Who are the people who have helped you the most this year? Start putting your list together and consider all the different ways to recognize the support of everyone who watches your back!
6. Holiday Cards: Whether it's your personal card or a product/service you offer a client, it's time to put together your ideas.
7. Conventions, Trade Shows, and Seminars: Whether live or online, start your planning. From registration costs to booking travel, just like the camera and office equipment, there might be some terrific benefits to spending the money now and taking the deductions on your taxes for 2025. Talk to your accountant too, especially on any big purchases.

It's just seven items to check, and if you feel I've missed some, let me know in the comments section, and we'll expand the list.

Just remember, everybody is working against the same clock. Procrastination is NOT a marketing strategy. You snooze, you lose!
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And if you're stuck for ideas, you know where to find me!

There is one thing Alzheimer’s cannot take away, and that is love.
Love is not a memory – it’s a feeling that resides in your heart and soul.
Author Unknown

by Skip Cohen

I just had my fourth article published in the Florida Alzheimer's newsletter. The You're Not Alone Chronicles is about different things we learned in dealing with my mother's Alzheimer's. Most of what we learned was thanks to the Senior Friendship Center's caregiver support group. If you're dealing with Alzheimer's, find a support group in your community and then NEVER miss a meeting!

But my point isn't just about Alzheimer's, but about being involved in your community, a topic I write about often. In my case, it's my way of thanking a community that helped us so much during our own fight with the disease. In your case, if you're a working professional photographer, you're a business owner, and you need to give back to your community. People like buying products/services from companies that give back!

Regardless of why you decide to get more involved...it simply feels good. I don't know if my articles are making a difference to a lot of people or just a few.  It's a horrible disease, and if what I share helps just a few readers realize they're not alone, then I've accomplished my goal!

Here's this month's chapter, which ran this past Wednesday. If you're interested in reading more, they're all just a click away, along with dozens of other authors and a mountain of support!

​Wishing everybody a terrific weekend ahead! Thanks for being a reader and joining me on my journey.

When Alzheimer's knocks on the door of a loved one, your role in life changes to becoming either a caregiver or a "supporting cast member." It's not just a change challenging everything you know about relationships, but a complete transformation in lifestyle. Rarely is anybody prepared for the changes they need to make. As a result, you draw from everything you've learned in life, or at the very least think you understand.
 
In her early stages of Alzheimer's, most of us found ourselves correcting Mom. She might say something like "The sky is so green today." While my Dad and I would remind her that it was blue, my wife, Sheila, just went with it and would say, "It's beautiful!"
 
“You’ve got two ears and one mouth, so listen twice as much as you speak!”­­
Author Unknown
 
Even though my grandmother and great-grandmother had Alzheimer's, I was much younger at the time and not directly involved in either of their care. But with my mother, Sheila, and I were on the front line.
 
My mother met Sheila around year four of the disease. For whatever reason, my mother was convinced that she'd known Sheila for most of her life. She used to introduce her to people as a friend with whom she did volunteer work when she was younger. She'd hold Sheila's hand and say, "This woman is such a hard worker."
  
Sheila never challenged anything Mom shared or said, just supported what she was sharing. What was interesting was that there was always some logic in her thoughts…for example, Mom became whatever she watched on television.
 
I walked into my folks' place one Sunday evening, and Dad was in a panic. He and Mom had watched Father of the Bride II. With the scene of the daughter and mother both giving birth, Mom, sitting in her recliner, went into heavy Lamaze breathing. I came into the den and there she was, 85 years old and about to give birth!
 
I looked at Mom, kissed her on the top of her head, and asked, "How ya doin'?" Her response, "Get your father, you're about to have a baby brother!" I started arguing with her, using my best logic, and then gave up. I was there by myself and called Sheila for advice.
 
"Just go with it for a few minutes," she said. So, like a bad Hollywood movie, I sent Dad off to boil water. We shut the TV off, and a few minutes later, the whole scene had faded away.
 
On another occasion, we had all watched a Lakers game, and when they lost, Mom asked, "What exactly do you do for the Lakers?" I responded, "Nothing, Mom, they just pay me to watch!" She sounded almost indignant and said, "Go to the kitchen and make some pasta. The boys lost tonight, and I want to make them something comforting." Off I went for a few minutes, preparing for the Lakers to show up in Sarasota for pasta.
 
With Sheila's help, the support group, and anything we could read about Alzheimer's, we learned to listen without reacting when Mom was "off course". I'm not suggesting it was easy, but the only choice was to go with the flow.
 
One more advantage of being in our support group was the continued realization that we weren't alone. Everybody was dealing with the same kind of challenges, and the more bizarre the situation with Mom, the more we seemed to learn and understand. Stories like the two above became benchmarks on our journey.
 
After one support group meeting, when everyone had shared some of their most challenging stories, Dad said to me, "Wow, we have the good kind of Alzheimer's!" Everyone else's problems seemed bigger than our own.
 
Nothing takes away the pain of this horrible disease, but Dad made the best of it. The stories became crazier, but Dad turned them into something to squeeze out a small smile, always accompanied by a tear or two. There was nothing we could do, but as Dad said so many times, "Your Mom took care of me my whole life, now it's my turn to take care of her."
 
Before Alzheimer's, Dad was never known for his listening skills. In fact, his favorite joke was talking about the secret to being married to my mother for all those years…he always slept on his good ear!
 
He learned to listen to Mom without challenging the craziness. And no matter how much it hurt, he never lost sight of the importance of being by Mom's side.

Have goals so big your problems pale in comparison.
Grant Cardone