It's Sarcastic Saturday, a time when I typically subject you to a little wrath aimed at some segment of life that's simply abusive. Well, this week has been a record week for scam attempts, and it's just too much fun not to share a few of the highlights.
I have fun with these idiots. First, the accent is always coming from somewhere in the vicinity of India. Second, the caller ID is always a bogus number. Third, I'm on a MAC so there can't be any PC error message anyway. I love to start out sounding concerned and needing help. When we get to the part where they want access to my computer, I love to challenge their name, with the following, "Okay, so Bruce, we know that's not your real name. Are you related to Bob, Mike, Terry, Tom, Justin and Larry who have all tried this scam already and called me in the last few weeks?" That's it they're gone, although they usually leave me enough time to experiment with a few combination expletives.
First, the emails always start with "Hello Dear". I guess that's because the last TV show the originator watched was Angela Lansbury in Murder She Wrote and they think that's a pretty common introduction between Americans. Second, it's always to "undisclosed recipients", making me feel far less than special. Third, there's always a health disaster involved versus the old government budget excess that needed to be moved. Last on the list, it's loaded with typos. I want to give these guys a gift of a little spell check software. They've got the worse spelling and grammar on the planet!
First, I hate that these calls are always generated by a robot. At least my Microsoft guys make me feel important enough to put a live body on the scam. Second, why do they always sound like they have a right to our time? "Please hold for a very important call from..." What is it about the arrogance of the staff of any elected official that makes them believe we're all sitting around waiting for their calls?
Okay, there it is my contribution to the world of sarcasm on a beautiful Saturday morning. Hopefully, I've brought a little entertainment value into your life. Feel free to share any of your scam frustrations and we should be able to build a pretty entertaining list.
Although take your time - I've got a full day ahead. With the eleven million dollars coming in from Nigeria life is really going to change around here, and I promised Sheila we'd buy a yacht today!
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