One More Time: The Rules of Engagement

  "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people
​Eleanor Roosevelt

​by Skip Cohen

At least once a year, I write the same post about the rules of engagement. My feeling for the need to share it, again and again, is always the result of a battle in a Facebook forum that went off-track. It would be so great if wannabe-trolls just had a button on their computer to push before posting a comment.

I'm one of four administrators in one of the larger Facebook forums. A couple of weeks ago, I got sucked into being a playground guard with "kids" who weren't playing nice. I commented on the thread and suggested they grow up, but we all know that isn't going to change their behavior.

So, I'm going back to a post from a few years back and suggesting we work just a little harder on what should be the rules of engagement. The original post was more about personal attacks on other photographers, but I want to expand it to Facebook and social media threads too. And, while most of you don't need to be reminded, give me hand with people who just don't get it.

• If you don't like what somebody said to you, it's appropriate to comment. But if the comment wasn't to you, then shut up unless the "victim" asks for help. 
• Stay out of battles that aren't yours.
• Don't respond to trolls - that's how they win!
• In any thread, if somebody has already said what you were going to say, then there's no need for you to repeat it!
• Have a bone to pick with somebody? Have the guts to IM them privately - a Facebook forum isn't a venue for a Fight Club match!

And whether in social media or live in ANY industry:

• Don't talk behind somebody's back.
• Don't spread rumors.
• When you hear a rumor, contact the party who's the subject and ask what's going on. Pretty simple - be upfront.
• Write as if the person you need to talk about was standing next to you. Don't hide behind the anonymity of your computer screen.

 
I know this post doesn't apply to most of you, but feel free to share it with somebody who's forgotten! Or as my buddy, Levi Sim has said, "Act as if your grandmother's watching!"

I don't usually quote Queen Latifah, but I got a kick out of this quote. I guess it's a matter of your priorities:

A lot of people are crazy, cruel and negative. They got a little too much time on their hands to discuss everybody else. I have a limited amount of energy to blow in a day.
​I'd rather read something that I like or watch a program I enjoy
or ride my damn motorcycle or throw back a couple of shots of tequila with my friends.