I've been trying to figure out whether or not to share this with you, since it's so far off the topic of photography. On the other hand, it's one of those topics that sooner or later is going to creep into all of our lives and needs to be addressed. I'll keep it short and to the point, but I'm counting on you to really take what I'm writing to heart. Most of you know my mother passed away last month after a long battle with Alzheimer's. It's a horrible disease that sneaks in and robs us of so much. I know I'm simplifying it, but in the end, along with forgetting so many things in her life, she forgot how to swallow and couldn't eat. The choice came down to a feeding tube or Hospice. Mom went into Hospice and passed away at 87 a week later Mom had a Living Will instructing no heroic measures be made for her survival. If you're not familiar with a Living Will here's text book definition: Advance health care directive, also known as living will, personal directive, advance directive, or advance decision, is a set of written instructions that a person gives that specify what actions should be taken for their health if they are no longer able to make decisions due to illness or incapacity. As we were putting her into Hospice, her doctor told us the greatest gift she could give us was that advance directive. We were able to make the toughest decisions based on her wishes without the agony of wondering what she would have wanted. She passed away peacefully with dignity and her family all around her. I don't care how old you are, if you love your family and friends, help them make the most important decisions in your life and theirs. Have a Living Will with your wishes clearly spelled out. And, if you're caring for a loved one who's older and likely to head down this path in the near future, meet with an elder law attorney and get your loved one's wishes documented. I've heard so many horror stories about the "last chapter" in people's lives being true nightmares, because their family had to argue over the final decisions. Mom's illness introduced Dad and I to a very special group of people here in Sarasota at the Senior Friendship Centers. We now do a podcast twice a month, "Ten Minutes with Paula" for caregivers. In this recent episode, Paula Falk and I talk about the importance of an advance directive. The photographic industry is so different from so many other career fields. We all watch each others backs and try and be there for each other. Well, this is me asking you to watch out for the people you care most about - give them the same gift my mother gave us...an advance directive on your health and care issues. We all hope to never put our families and friends in this kind of position, but life has a way of throwing a curve ball now and then and it's so much easier to just be prepared.
6 Comments
7/20/2013 03:09:44 am
My grandmother passed from Alzheimer's in April. It was terribly sad for me, and I hadn't seen her in so long. Partially due to the military, and partially because my father worried it would hurt me more to see her. She didn't even remember her son (my father), her husband: pretty much everyone. She remembered two people for years. And when she passed: it was sudden. It went really bad for a few days, and then she was gone. I know it was a blessing in disguise because she was in such a bad state, but I will always hate that I hasn't seen her for so long: though my family members always tell me it's better that I remember her for who she was before.
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7/20/2013 03:39:59 am
I am sorry for your loss. Alzheimer is a terrible disease. Even if it's not an elderly person, it's good to talk as a family about your wishes. When my son died suddenly at 25, we had no idea what his final wishes were. Luckily there wasn't a family feud over how we dealt with his medical decisions or remains but there could have been as my ex-husband and I don't see eye to eye on most things. The whole family now has a living will. So that this will never be an issue. I wish we had done this prior to his accident.
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edpouso
7/20/2013 10:47:17 am
I am sorry to hear about your mother.I know very well what you went through. I put my photographic career on hold for 6 years to care for my stepfather who had a very rare form of Parkinson's. he also decided for a dnr and no heroic measures etc. We were planing on talking with the local hospic the week that he passed.
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Michelle
7/20/2013 05:05:50 pm
Skip. Sorry about your loss. May you find peace in your mothers memories and many many beautiful pictures. You are absolutely correct with advanced directives.
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Harper
7/22/2013 05:49:24 pm
Skip!!! Always the wise one through experience... We have a Suze Orman kit to do one ourselves...we need to go get it out! Thanks fir the encouragement! xoxo
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