Dealing With Fear

5/27/2015

Three to four times a year I share a post featuring Melody Beattie's work. There are usually two motivating factors. First, I like a lot of what she writes and believe everybody needs to feed their brain and soul with something other than the challenges of their business every day. Second, she's written some spot-on pieces about issues we all face, not just in business but life. (Click on the cover to the left if you want to find out more about her books.)

Then, there's a third. It's my birthday and this morning I really wanted to find something to write about that went beyond the topics of business and marketing.

I've spoken to so many photographers lately who seem obsessed with fear. They're spending so much time worrying about what could go wrong that they almost miss what's going right! I posted a quote this week on Twitter that fits...

"The hardest arithmetic for us to master is that which enables us to count our blessings."
Eric Hoffer

This morning's Melody Beattie piece was all about fear, and it seems so appropriate to share it.

"It's time to stop punishing ourselves. Time to stop beating ourselves over the head with fear.

This is the scenario. A fear enters our mind. Our mind takes it and runs with it. Something bad is going to happen. Something terrible and traumatic is on the way. We quickly review the traumas of our past and make the determinations: Yes, it is very possible that this devastating event will happen.

So we sit crouched in the present moment full of fear and dread. We worry that the worst that could possibly happen, probably will. We begin to believe that it is most likely waiting at our doorstep, ready to pounce on us and steal our joy, our peace, our place and rhythm in the universe.

Because we have harbored the fear so intensely, it has already manifested itself. The thing we fear doesn't need to happen, it already has - or it might well have - because we are already forcing ourselves to live through it.

Yes, many awful things have happened to you and me that we are very sorry happened. But that doesn't mean that we have to give up the beauty of the present moment to something that hasn't happened yet. Even if it does happen sometime in the future, by harboring the fear we will have lived through it twice as long as we need to.

Recognize and acknowledge your fear. Then release it. Let go of the energy. Stop punishing yourself. While life's seasons may not always be fair, they are trustworthy. And within each day, each moment of each season, there is a way of peace and joy. Do not allow fear of what if to ruin the joy of what is.

And, one more thought...

If I've learned nothing else in my life and especially all my years in this industry, it's that everything always works out for the better. Even the mistakes over the years eventually contribute to a stronger path and direction!

Wishing everybody a terrific day and one without even the smallest fears or worries!

3 Comments

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Dale Matthews

5/27/2015 01:10:11 am

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

― Frank Herbert, Dune

James Crossman link

5/27/2015 03:20:04 am

Once upon a time, fear was my master - now it's a companion. Once I let it cripple me, now (well, yesterday) I scanned my to-do lists looking for the things that caused my fear to say hello, because I know that there's something good waiting if I go where it shows up.

There's no way I can easily tell the story of how I got from being fear's whipping boy to being someone who accepts fear but won't let it make my choices for me, but I will share a couple of things that your post of Melody's words reminded me. First is that my camera helped me get through it because I used it to actively fight back to find beauty wherever I am. I've taken many images of flowers in doctor's waiting rooms or daytrips to shoot parks near the hospitals to catch my breath from spending too long visiting my daughter there.

I can't feel fear and gratitude at the same time very well. And I can encourage gratitude by looking for the good and the beauty surrounding me every minute.

Dale Carnegie wrote some advice about being crippled by fear as you describe. He said to first imagine that the thing we fear happening has already happened - and then get to a point where we can accept it. For me, I had to get to a point where I could accept that my daughter might die and accept it to the point of knowing that I could be ok afterwards. Then (and only then) could I function well enough to care for my daughter well enough for her to heal and thrive.

Fear is a wall a thousand miles high, a thousand miles wide and a thousand miles underground. I cannot go around it, under it, or over it. But it is also only tissue-paper thin, and the way out is to walk through it. Finding beauty with my camera no matter where I was when I picked it up lead me to the sense of wonder and gratitude for what is right about right now - and that let me step through it. Even as I write this I feel my fear again, but I have the steering wheel of my life and my fear isn't allowed to drive me. I know that it is only showing up to let me know that I should probably post this, so I will.

Kaylene

5/27/2015 02:17:08 pm

Great post, Skip - thank you. Have a lovely birthday: you deserve an especially special one for all the kindness and help you give to us.

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