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Intro by Skip Cohen I've written a lot over the years about the importance of photographers giving back. Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep is one of those organizations giving you an opportunity to put your skill set to exceptionally good use. They're a pretty amazing group of people. This is the first post in this series thanks to Christopher's Mother, Ashley Krapf. Christopher was born still on June 1, 2012, but the way he touched the lives of his family and especially Ashley is remarkable. A big thanks to Vicki Zoller, the photographer. We'll hear from her in a guest post tomorrow! Note: NILMDTS is constantly looking for more volunteers. To find out how you can be involved just click on the link above.  My Story:
I carried my son Christopher until six days before my due date. We found out he no longer had a heart beat and I was induced and delivered him. The feeling when you find out your baby is gone is like no other. Everything you saw ahead and the life you planned is suddenly gone. You will never hear your baby cry, or change their diapers. You won't feed them or spend the next years of your life teaching them to be a good person. You all of a sudden have nothing to do. I had no idea when I first was told he passed, that I would have such an amazing opportunity to have beautiful pictures of him taken that I would cherish forever. Swedish Hospital told me about the NILMDTS photographers. I immediately knew I wanted the pictures done. Even though it was such a painful time to have a stranger in the room, it was almost like they were there for support as well. Most people I talked to agreed they would have wanted photos too. After all, it is your only time you will ever have with your baby after you dreamed of years to come. These pictures of my baby not only represent the hard time I went through and the love I have for my son, but the love and support of all our family. Each grandparent and aunt had a picture taken with him as well. When you lose your baby, a lot of times people don't have these beautiful pictures taken. When I found out, I had said, "I don't want to remember him looking dead." I remember him as perfect as he was ever supposed to be. When I look at those pictures he looks like a peaceful sleeping baby. It's not eerie and I don't have to remember the bad that happened, but how perfect his hands and feet were instead. NILMDTS has truly been a blessing. I got a chance to see my baby through those pictures how I envisioned seeing him; strong, handsome and at peace. I would tell any photographer who is thinking about joining to most definitely do it. It's so much more than the photography itself. You literally change someone's life. I couldn't be more thankful for Vicki and the photos we forever have because of her.
21 Comments
2/27/2014 01:52:13 am
I lost my first child on Christmas Day 1985 in the same way. Her Heart stopped in my 9th month of pregnancy . It was the most painful experience in my life and how I wish I had a photo of my beautiful little girl. She had black curly hair , long beautiful lashes and a little rose bud mouth. I named her Hally Ray after the comet that was passing over at the same time. This is a very special project and so important to the mothers who have to endure such heart break. I will always have a picture in my heart ,but how I wish I had one on my wall to share and celebrate the 9 months of her life.. 2/27/2014 06:40:41 am
My Darling Daughter died on May 19th,2009. I now have flashbacks to when I carried her for nine months and 42 years later she died..But her birth and everything after
jax
2/27/2014 12:34:04 pm
I'm so sorry for your loss. You will touch many strangers who read about Hally Ray and like me I bet they will remember another's heartache long after clicking off this page. Like with all these stories of loss. My warmest regard to you and all who love your precious wee one.
Sherry Weersing
2/27/2014 05:55:41 am
Beautiful and priceless pictures. I wish all families had access to NILMDTS.
LAKEN
2/27/2014 05:59:41 am
BREATH TAKING.
Jozal
2/27/2014 06:04:33 am
I lost my 5th child even though I was only 9 weeks along when I heard the babies heart beat the tech. turned off the sound really fast and when I ask was that the babies heart beat he said you will need to talk to your doctor and later that night I lost my precious baby.
Glenna Emmert
2/27/2014 06:34:14 am
On Nov. 6; 2012 my daughter gave birth to a beautiful daughter Kinsey Christine. She looked perfect when she was born, but she wasn't. My granddaughter was born with trisomy 18. We knew months before Kinsey was born that the outcome might not be good. My daughter and her husband had a lot of hard decisions to make. My daughter heard about this wonderful organization NILMDTS and the one decision she made was to have the NILMDTS Photographer come in and take photos before, during and after the surgery. We have the most beautiful photos and video of our little Angel. Kinsey was with us for 23 amazing hour and because of these wonderful photographers we have a lifetime of memories. I can't say enough about these wonderful people. I'd like to share Kinsey' s video that these wonderful photographers made for us utubekinseychristinewoodford Hugs to all Glenna
sue Keller
2/27/2014 06:57:15 am
Our great granddaughter Savannah Joy was born October 9, 2013. She had anacephaly and lived three minutes. We will never forget how much love she brought to our family. She is now in heaven with her grandma Wendy.
Lisa
2/28/2014 03:37:41 pm
Just saw the video...beautiful precious baby!
Brittany
2/27/2014 06:38:55 am
This is so precious! I have twins an we almost lost them at 20 weeks i had surgery while pregnant to stitch my cervix up so they wouldnt make their appearance yet. I couldnt imagine lossing a child. My heart hurts for you n your precious angel but the lord had different plans for the both of you! But id do the same id take a lot of pictures wit them. Id say a lot of moms wished they knew bout NILMDTS..rest in peace beautiful boy you have gained your angel wings! Fly high babyboy! <3
Patty mcnally
2/27/2014 06:51:55 am
Ashley Krapf is my daughter. Being at the hospital knowing that your grandson didnt make it was the worse experience ever. But I have beautiful pictures of him and I will never forget. Ashley making the choice to have his picture taken of him was the besy. I will never forget my grandson and to have the pictures of him is a blessing!
Tywana Liles
2/27/2014 07:46:55 am
These were precious, and I will be praying for healing, even though you cannot feel it today.
Darlene Doust
2/27/2014 10:31:14 am
What a beautiful pic . I lost my first son he lived for 12 hours full term .back then you didnt get photos .that was 1979 even though I have more children I miss him every day and wonder what he would be like . I truly hope your doing ok and these photographers are amazing rip little man
Autumn
2/27/2014 12:12:12 pm
This is amazing, my nephew was born early with a low success of survival rate. They were hoping to do surgery after birth but found out that there really was nothing that would help him. He lived only 3 hrs. My family and i were not able to make it to see him while he was alive. Thankfully my brother was able to see his son before he passed. When we got to the hospital, we held him but nobody thought to take pics of him.we did have an awesome nurse who thought to take pics when he was still alive. 2/27/2014 12:54:35 pm
my niece had a beautiful baby girl, full term. she lived about 4 hrs and the only pictures she has of beautiful Julie Rain were taken on a cell phone, but at least she has that.My heart goes out to each and everyone of you who has lost an angel.
Elizabeth Sterling
2/27/2014 02:23:54 pm
My Grandson passed away on 1/14/14 after 37 days of life. He was born with CDH. I can't say enough about this organization. The photographer that came was so kind and just a beautiful person.
Donna Parsons
2/27/2014 02:25:09 pm
Today, of all days for me to see this, is my born still granddaughter's birthday; she would have been 5; she didn't make it to a full 9 months, only 7; mom had been flighted to a major hospital for what she thought was going to be a C-section because her blood sugar had spiked but when she got there they got it under control and were just keeping her for observation but she's the one who no noticed she seemed to be no longer moving and/or could no longer detect her heartbeat (not sure, can you do that); anyway, I believe she told them and asked for an ultrasound; anyway they did one and that's how she found out; I thought they would go ahead and do a C-section at that point; I didn't know they induce and have you deliver; she was still up there by herself at that point; I'd thought son was going on up but for whatever reason (and he's a lot better now; this was their first but anyway) he hadn't and I was trying to get there but had things going on; we were both, in different directions, 5 hrs. away, but when she called about that, I headed on my way, as did he, her mom and aunt (her mom was disabled) but it still took another 3 days and then they had to finally break her water.
Velaine Curlile
3/1/2014 05:26:05 am
My daughter was full term with a full head of hair and perfectly made body. My doctor would not let me see her but my husband did and that is what he told me about her. On October 20, 1958 Edith Kay became part of lives. We don't have any pictures except that of a small white casket. How I wish I could have held her or at least had a picture. Things were different then and the only words of "comfort" were, "don't worry you can have more". It is good to know that now grief counseling happens and taking pictures is part of it all. 3/3/2014 05:10:36 pm
What an amazing person you are!!! All of you! My best friend lost her baby at 16 wks after 22 years of trying and then another at 6 wks. How very touching and therapeutic this is:)
Whitney
3/8/2014 05:59:13 am
I am a 23 year old who has had 2 miscarriages and has gave birth to a healthy beautiful daughter. I lost my daughter back in October almost 5 months ago. Although, I gave birth to her and was able to share the first 3 months with her, God decided he needed my beautiful, healthy baby. 9/28/2015 04:23:20 am
Hey I dont you but I read your story In iam sorry for your lost..iam a single father of my2 yr old son cole tucker ives. He is my best friend my everything. .everything I do is for him but if I was to find out that his heart stopped while he was in his mom idk what I would do I would go crazy it makes me sad n upset to even think about it..but I just wanna say you are a very strong woman n its truly amazing that your strong enough to share your story with your friends on fb n the world with people you dnt even know like myself. .and those pics you had taken are amazing its probably the best thing you could have done? I just think so cause now you can remember him more even though it probably hurts seeing those pictures. .but anyways iam sorry for your lost n thank you for sharing your story n thank your for letting me express my feelings n opinions..hope I didnt say anything disrespectful. .godbless..dusty ives n cole tucker ives Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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