Is There an Art to Grieving?

When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.
Anon ​

by Skip Cohen

I love writing Sunday Morning Reflections, but some topics are tougher to share than others. Here are my thoughts this morning: None of us can stop the aging process, and lately, I've been having a hard time losing friends who have died. 

In just the last few weeks, the industry lost Karen Hart, Helmut Horn, and Bob Panarella. I met Karen when she was hired as a rep for Hasselblad; Helmut Horn bought Ansel Adams' Cadillac, a fund-raiser I put together in the 90s, and is also responsible for introducing me to scuba. Bob Panarella and I met in '87—he was the sales manager for American Photographer and Popular Photography, both of which were magazines involved in Hasselblad advertising.

For years I've written that the best thing about photography has nothing to do with imaging directly, but the friendships that come out of everyone's love for the craft. The friendships I've shared with these three amazing friends are incredible to look back on, but with each passing, there's a new hole in my heart.

But this post isn't as much about the holes as how to fill them! One of my favorite quotes is by Alfred Lord Tennyson, I am a part of all that I have met. With every loss of a friend who passes, I find myself wandering down Memory Lane, thinking about how they contributed to my life and owning that piece of my heart that hurts so much when they're gone.

We all get busy, and so often, life gets in the way, but not keeping in touch with old friends changes nothing in the power behind the smiles that all the memories bring back. Sometimes, I can close my eyes, and like hitting the replay button on a video, I can turn back the clock, time travel, and hear a laugh and a conversation with a friend who's passed.

I'm a big fan of Throwback Thursday photographs, but so many memories were captured on "neurochromes." I can't hold them in my hands like a photograph, but in my mind, they're no less vivid or real. It's the slight adjustment of my life's rearview mirror that makes it all possible.

Here's the bottom line—grieving is only an art form when it's done right. There is no instruction manual for handling grief. It's personal, and whatever works to bring smiles to the surface, even when following the tears, becomes a reminder that everyone you've lost is still with you in so many ways.

You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.
Anon

It's a "thorn" when you lose a friend, but the "rose" is their presence and the memories we're blessed to have because they were with us.

Wishing everybody a day ahead with time to appreciate everyone you've lost and cherish those special people with you now. Go for those eleven-second hugs with the people you love the most, and don't be afraid to lean on them a little when working on a hole in your heart—it's part of what they're there for!

Happy Sunday or Monday if you're on the other side of the world.