Estrangement and Looking Forward

by Skip Cohen

Sunday Morning Reflections is never about business. It's often my time to get personal or, at the very least, write about something hopefully relevant outside of anyone's career path. This morning, being estranged from my kids is on my mind—not about the sadness or pain over the years, but about learning to simply accept it. 

There's that old line about life not being a dress rehearsal. Something interesting happens as you get older—you simply try your best to waste less and less time. So, I recently took one more shot at trying to break through the walls and had no choice but to accept the response when the effort had no results.

With Sheila's help, we've built a great life. There's no time for regrets, looking back, or "shoulding" on myself. One of Sheila's favorite expressions is "Don't "should" on yourself", and it accomplishes nothing to sit and throw a pity party for yours truly.

My life is full of some pretty amazing people and friends who have become family. Blood isn't always thicker than water, but I'm a work in progress doing my best to walk the talk. The serenity prayer comes to mind, and it's so appropriate.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I remember my Dad appreciating this when he was dealing with Mom's Alzheimer's. He'd look for those moments of joy when Mom would come out from behind the clouds and hang onto them for all those days when she'd disappear.

From Sheila and wonderful friends to two pups and projects I'm involved in that make a difference, I feel blessed. Do I wish things were different with my kids? Absolutely, but I can't change how they feel or what they believe.

The bottom line is simply that I'm not the first to ever be estranged from family members and certainly won't be the last. I'm not making light of the challenge; I'm only accepting that until forgiveness is a two-way street, I can choose sadness or take the time to appreciate everything that's right in my life.

"A major issue with estrangement is that it really is a two-fold forgiveness journey. It's never just one side's fault … so there's an absolute necessity to forgive oneself for all and any parental failures, and it's also necessary to totally forgive the offspring for all and any nasty experiences of being cancelled, ghosted, e-blanked, ignored, rejected, avoided at Christmas and Father's Day, the toxicity, angst, and all the other painful words that come to mind." Roger Macdonald Andrew

Wishing everybody a day ahead filled with things that make your heart soar. If you're dealing with estrangement, don't let the sadness hold you back from looking forward. Maintaining hope and optimism is never a fool's errand until it pushes whatever makes you happy back into the shadows. This is where those eleven-second hugs come into play with the people who love and support you the most.

Happy Sunday...or Monday if you're on the other side of the world.