"Alzheimer's Only Happens to Other People" ---- NOT!

by Skip Cohen

My mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother all died of Alzheimer's. Two days ago, my good friend, Kristen Jensen, who also lost her mother to the disease, shared a post about Alzheimer's on Facebook. I'm unsure where the post started, but it was one of those please-share-chain-letter-type posts. While I normally hate stuff like this, it was so spot-on and accurate to what we experienced with my mother.

I started this post with the plan to share it yesterday, Throwback Thursday. I decided to combine a few of my favorite throwback images of my Mom with my own version of a public service message, which is below. Well, I posted the piece on my FB page and was surprised at the response from so many people. So, I decided to hold off and wrap up the week with an additional focus on the Alzheimer's aspect, and a mini-tribute to Mom, including a hand-colored portrait from around 1940.​

Robin Williams took his own life because he was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia. Bruce Willis learned that his illness is Frontotemporal dementia and Lew Body Dementia (FTD). One of the hardest things to process is the slow change in the one you love. Becoming a completely different person. Everything changes. Just so you know...it's called the long goodbye. Rapidly shrinking brain is how doctors described it. As the patient's brain slowly dies, they change physically and eventually forget who their loved ones are and become less themselves. Patients can eventually become bedridden, unable to move and unable to eat or drink or talk to their loved ones.

There will be people who will scroll by this message because Dementia, Alzheimer's or Parkinson's has not touched them. They may not know what it's like to have a loved one who has fought or is fighting a battle. In an effort to raise awareness of this cruel disease, I would like to see at least 5 of my friends put this on their timeline. I'll settle for at least one.

If you're one of those people who believe Alzheimer's and Dementia only happen to the "other guys:" According to the Alzheimer's Association, as of 2023, an estimated 6.7 million Americans are living with Alzheimer's disease. This number is expected to increase to 13.8 million by 2060. (source: Google)

But if the disease is already touching your life, here are some ideas that helped us through the "storms" a lot.

• Get yourself into a caregiver support group. Dad and I would go to the Caregiver Support Group every Thursday morning. There were 20-30 people there, all dealing with Alzheimer's affecting a family member. Dad learned it was okay to be angry and feel betrayed, and both of us learned ways to support Mom instead of arguing with the disease.
• Pick up a copy of "The 36-Hour Day." It's written like a series of case studies, and I've suggested it to everyone I've met who's dealing with anything under the dementia umbrella. It helped me understand what Mom was going through. Click on the thumbnail to the right to find it on Amazon.
• Savor the good times. One morning, Dad commented in the Thursday group, "I'm going to hang on to every good moment we get and squeeze every drop of happiness out of it." It couldn't be cornier, but that's precisely what he did. Things Mom did or thought that weren't logical but were funny became private stories he stored in his head and went back to repeatedly when times were most challenging.
• ​Nothing beats "Throwback Thursday" photographs with an Alzheimer's patient. Mom loved it when we pulled out the old albums. While her memory was disappearing daily, the older the photograph, the more vivid her memories. She didn't remember eating ten minutes after lunch, but she could name all her friends from college and memories from growing up. If you're dealing with Alzheimer's, pull out those old albums and "treasure chest" shoeboxes!

There's no getting around the pain of dealing with losing a loved one to Alzheimer's, but there is so much help available. Don't forget to talk to your doctor about the newest drugs available. There's some incredible progress made with certain types of Dementia, especially Alzheimer's. 

Most important of all...remember you're NOT alone!

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